This Is The Reason 14 Year Olds Are Getting Drunk.

I heard this song on the radio yesterday and immediately recognized it's lame "I'm awesome because I party" style lyrics from the facebook status's of morons that I regret accepting friend requests from. I realize that my opening sentence there sounds incredibly bitch-tastic but I despise shit like this. Asher Roth for example. Throw yourself off a bridge, sir. Don't get me wrong - I drink and I enjoy drinking but I do not feel the need to idolize these dumbass songs that glorify it. More importantly, I hate the people who think they're awesome because they party and insist on telling you every stupid un-funny detail from the night prior. I love when they refer to them and their friends as 'alcoholics'. Because who DOESN'T aspire to be that?! Honestly, you're a freaking hotcho and you need to get over yourself.

So anyways, the song I'm referring to is entitled "TICK TOCK aka DOLLA" and it's by this girl named KESHA. If you're wondering, Kesha looks like a less attractive version of Shakira who has just done coke.

apparently you can also refer to the song as "p.diddy"?

he's mentioned one singular time in the song, so that makes sense..............

Anyways, Kesha has one of the most insanely mind numbingly annoying voices I have ever heard. It doesn't help that she doesn't actually "sing" this song... it's more like talking in the style of trying to sound cute while reading a children's book while drunk. It's really something that you have to experience for yourself to truly understand. In summary, though, there is not one ounce of talent in this song. Congratulations on being able to speak, Kesha. I'm glad you're getting paid thousands of dollars for that.

The "chorus" of the song is the part that the hotchos always copy paste into their status, but it's not really that part that bothers me so much. Lines like "Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack", "Ain’t got a care in world, but got plenty of beer", and my personal favorite - "I’m talking about - everybody getting crunk, crunk.. Boys trying to touch my junk, junk.. Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk" .. ::sigh::

I see the 17 year old girls wearing mini skirts and tube tops in November with way too much eye liner and glitter on, drinking Natty Lite with a bunch of tan muscle headed morons singing this song and it makes me want to kill someone. There aren't many things in the world that make me this annoyed (aside from raspberry girls) - but the "I'm cool because I drink" songs have special powers. What's wrong with songs like "ballad for the lost romantics" by NFG... subtle references to drinking & loving your friends without sounding like a total tool:

Here's to us fools
That have no meaning

I tip my glass to you

Let's toast the night away to friends

And forget about tomorrow

I dig that! And I don't sound like a hotcho when I listen to it in my car!

But anyways... thanks Kesha for your wisdom in that killer and epic song. I definitely see you and Asher Roth getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Either that or rehab. Same thing.