We Are NOT COOL Anymore, Michelle Tanner.

Going to Wal-Mart is Dangerous (notice the capital D). I go there for shampoo - I leave with $50 worth of crap. It's inevitable. Wal-Mart has a lot of make-up brands that aren't sold anywhere else, so I always take a trip down that aisle to see what they got. Being the bargain hunter that I am - I always look for the cheap crap that looks cool... but obviouisly, I never expect too much. If I end up with something I really like - awesome. If not - $2 isn't a huge loss.

So Mary Kate & Ashley. I was singing your praises for the blush wipe things but this time... we have a problem.

Now don't ask me why I'm buying eyeliner from two people who constantly look like they let a 4 year old trace their eyes with the stuff.. but I did:

They give me a zombie/raccoon vibe.

Where are you Michelle Tanner? Come back.

So I'm doing my makeup this morning, minding my own, and it comes time for the eyeliner. Typically - I have been religious with the eye marker's from E.L.F. but today, I don't know - I felt like spicing shit up. So I picked up the goddamn MK&A pencil and started going to town. Typically (unlike zombieland up there), I take it easy with the liner and just do a little on the edges & some along my lash line just for definition. Today, I got a little bit wild and crazy and replaced the white (which I normally use) on my waterline with the black manufactured by Danny Tanner's daughter(s). I finished up the job and went to get my lip primer and what happens?

EYES FEEL LIKE I HAVE DUMPED SULFURIC ACID INTO THEM.

And you know how there's NEVER anything decent around to blot your profusely watering eyeballs with? Yeah, me freaking too. I have my scarves hanging next to my makeup stand but I was picturing lint balls in my eyelashes, giant black marks all over them, etc... Bad news. So i grabbed a freakin makeup sponge and started blotting my life away. And at that point ... there was black shit all over my face :o) Nothing like doing your makeup and then having an eyeball waterfall ruin your hard work.

So thanks, bitches. From this point on, I'm staying away from your painful ass makeup if it has anything to do with my eyes. I'll give you the blush sheets - but that's all you're getting. And I'm serious. We may have been close friends back in the 90's, Michelle, but it's the new millenium. And you do NOT got it, dude.